By Salome Akpan
When you have been in a relationship for quite some time, you might have trouble judging the person you love, you see them as strong and beautiful because they are everything to you but when love is lust, this can be hard to judge.
When you’re falling in love with someone, it’s easy to get carried away and forget who they are as a person. You see them only in terms of your own needs and desires.
In the beginning, we dream of them and imagine what it’d be like to be with them, but once we start getting to know them and they’ve started looking more at us as friends than just a friend. We know that true intimacy can only truly happen when it is based on mutual respect, trust, and partnership.
From time memorials to songs and movies, romantic love is one of the most enduring subjects for artworks through the ages.
And identifying lust in the midst of love has been one of the major problems of the human race.
Love is a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. · a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, for a parent, child, or friend.
Love involves emotions and behaviors characterized by passion, intimacy, and commitment. While it is usually positive, love is complex and profound.
Love is a complex thing that involves deep feelings of emotion towards someone, something, an event, or people. It is a behavior and custom associated with strong feelings of affection, protectiveness, warmth, and respect for another. Love encompasses a wide range of character shaping, attitudinal molding, and inculcation of moral and ethical values so as to be able to portray that feelings and emotions to one another.
Lust is a psychological force producing an intense desire for something, or circumstance while already having a significant amount of the desired object. Lust can take any form such as the lust for sexuality, money, or power.
Lust is a feeling of having a strong sexual desire for another person. It is the initial driving force that attracts us to a potential partner, and it’s what helps keep the passion alive in a long-term relationship. People can experience feelings of lust upon meeting someone new or within a committed partnership.
Lust is driven by the desire for sexual gratification. The evolutionary basis for this stems from our need to reproduce, a need shared among all living things. Through reproduction, organisms pass on their genes and thus contribute to the perpetuation of their species. Lust is a heady and addictive experience that can wreak havoc on your emotions.
When Love Is Lust
There are so many things happening in love that would signify the presence of lust, even though some people seem not to give a thought about it as they feel it’s still part of love. Let’s not forget the fact that lust is purely sexual attraction while love is passionate, kind, caring, and compassionate. Signs of lust include;
–spending most of your time with your partner
outside relationships, there’s always an avenue to plan how you want your life to be, there’s an avenue that requires you to stay on your own and reminisce on so many things about life. At this point, you can see how far you’ve gone in your career, all that you’ve achieved, and what you need to plan. Spending most of your time with your partner signifies lust because it will make you lose interest in each other and start taking things for granted. It all leads to an unhealthy relationship.
Personal space and trying out exciting new things every once in a while are key factors to keep the love that does not lead to lust going without problems. Remember, you are your own person and you know when to put a stop to something.
Also read: Lust In The Midst Of Love
–Showing No Interest In Their Life Outside The Bedroom
It is the apparent effect if your partner doesn’t show interest in your life outside the bedroom, they seem not to be interested in how your business is going, how you are coping with your education and the challenges you are having. All they care about is getting sexual intimacy with you.
That’s a sign of love being lustful, and you have nothing to do rather than to put an end to everything that’s going on between you both. They always drift farther apart from you, while you’re wallowing in pain and tears, and going through challenges alone with no one to hold your hands and appreciate how strong you are.
–BEING OBSESSIVE: If someone is in love with you, they trust you, they want you to be the best version of yourself, and only want good things for you. That includes giving you space when you need it. On the other hand, someone who is obsessed with you will be jealous and possessive, and it’s always a result of lust. If you find yourself constantly thinking about the other person, fantasizing about future scenarios with them, and replaying past memories of them, you’re likely still sitting on the lust end of the spectrum.
Find your way out of it and make meaning out of your life for the sake of your future, life is not all about fantasizing.
–INCESSANTLY MISSING THEM
Part of the desire attached to lust is the wanting to be with, or near, the other person as much as possible. Though it’s true that you may find yourself reflecting nostalgically on the times spent with your partner, it’s actually okay to miss them. In fact, acknowledging that you miss your partner can be a healthy way to work through what you are feeling. But if you find yourself constantly checking in on their whereabouts, and asking them when they’ll be home frequently throughout the week, your lust is in overdrive, and you need to be very careful.
–YOU FEEL THEY’RE PERFECT
An obvious sign of lust is not only highlighting all the good things in a person but actively avoiding all the bad parts. It’s always ok to make mistakes in your relationship, as long as you and your partner are willing to work together to overcome them. But if the same issues keep cropping up time and time again, it can start to take a toll on you.
Your partner is not God’s gift to the world, with not a single flaw in sight, they’re not perfect as there’s no perfect human on Earth. They’re bound to make mistakes, make corrections and amend their ways, but if you constantly wish or see your partner as being perfect, it’s a clear sign that you’re in lust.
–YOU REALLY DO NOT KNOW EACH OTHER:
There’s nothing so lovely as knowing your partner so deeply, their uniqueness, passion, and zeal. But then, you feel you know so much about your partner yet you don’t know about the above-mentioned thing.
Think about the unique aspects of this person’s life. What’s their greatest passion? And what do you know about this passion of theirs? If you dig a little deeper, you might realize you know nothing beneath the surface of this person. It’s just lust that is driving you and not love, love will make you ask questions, feel connected, and also find out how you can assist in making sure your partner achieves their goals.
–INTENSE SEXUAL ATTRACTION
having very intense sexual feelings for someone often comes from a primitive and dysfunctional set of feelings and from a place of lust. People who feel extreme sexual attraction often have a history of psychological trauma, neglect, or addictive tendencies. Do you crave your partner so often?
The minute you hit the bedroom, does the temperature amp up? If you find that when you’re with them, all you can think of is ripping their clothes off, perhaps reconsider what it is that you find attractive about this person. Yes, it is an intense sexual attraction that is a result of lust and not loves.
